This week has been glorious. London is bathed in warm, sunny weather and I am relishing every minute of it. I even left the house with no cardigan today – I am that confident that it will still be warm and sunglasses weather when I leave work tonight. It’s a good feeling.
These past few weeks I have been doing a lot of soul-searching. My Byron Katie books have come in very handy. But I suppose because it could be seen as unkindess these books never mention that you have to lead your life and not worry about other people’s lives too much. The need for me to stop overanalysing why someone hasn’t said hello, or is quiet (‘have I done something to them?’), or has not been in contact for a while is something that I cannot control.
And along with worrying about people’s behaviour I have also been worrying about anything else I can think of too. Only last week I worried about:
What would happened if the automatic tap at the allotment didn’t turn itself off?
What if the person behind me on the bus could work out my coded (very quiet) conversation with my mum and reported it back to someone?
Was the present I bought for a friend’s birthday enough after another friend also purchased a similar gift and wine? Would the friend think badly of me?
And what if the tomato plants that I have been giving away didn’t grow? What if the tomatoes were horrible?
What if? What if?
In the end a friend had to tell me in very blunt terms that I did not have the power to make a plant do any more than it wants to do and I can’t make the plant produce beautiful tomatoes or grow well and that I must stop worrying. It’s been quite freeing to let go. To try and embrace myself and stop worrying about other people so much.
Hopefully the weather will remain sunny and bright through Easter. We have a few plans, like an eight mile walk tomorrow morning (only one more eight mile and a ten mile to do before the Moonwalk in May), Borough Market on Saturday, and trips to the allotment to plant tomatoes along with a few barbecues and work in the garden. And I am seriously aiming to get some me time so that I can analyse (just a little bit more) my feelings and why I continue to seek approval all the time.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter holiday and that you get to rest and enjoy the time with friends and family.